Our family law solicitor Rebecca Ferris will be talking about what can be done to help you through the process of divorcing a narcissist.
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?
In short, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-importance and an excessive need for admiration combined with little regard for other people and their feelings.
People who suffer from NPD often come across as conceited and aloof in social settings, causing embarrassment for their partners. They may demoralise or degrade others to ensure their needs are met.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders classes an individual as having NPD if they present at least five of the following characteristics:
- An elevated-level sense of self-importance.
- Preoccupation with visions of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
- Believing that they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people.
- Requiring excessive admiration.
- A sense of entitlement.
- Taking advantage of others to achieve their ends.
- Lack of empathy.
- Often being envious of others or believing that others are envious of them.
- Showing arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes.
You could be in a relationship with someone with NPD if you are constantly being made to feel as though you are in a no-win situation.
People with NPD will rely on techniques like gaslighting, passive-aggression, or deceit to control their partner. As a result, you may feel as though you spend all your time catering to the needs of your partner.
What Can You Expect When Divorcing Someone With NPD?
Divorce is never easy, and no matter the situation it can be an emotionally painful time, however, personality disorders can add an extra layer of tension to the process.
People who suffer from NPD are usually very competitive and want to win no matter the cost. It is therefore important to anticipate this type of response and to mentally prepare yourself in advance.
Common traits and tactics that someone with NPD may exhibit during the divorce process include:
- An inability to see the divorce as a failure
- Playing the victim
- Attempting to win the crowd
- Being unsympathetic
- Insisting on a fair deal
1. An Inability To See The Divorce As A Failure
A spouse with NPD may be unable to deal with the idea that the divorce is a ‘failure’.
They may try to convince you that they have changed or that they want you back, this is called ‘love-bombing’, a tactic in which someone “bombs” you with extreme displays of affection with the intent to manipulate you.
2. Playing The Victim
To generate sympathy from others in your life, a person with NPD will play the victim during divorce proceedings.
This is a tactic used to encourage your family and friends to turn against you by painting you as a bad person.
3. Attempting To Win The Crowd
A person with NPD will also work hard to charm solicitors or judges, to come across as charismatic and engaging.
The tactic of attempting to win the crowd gives off the impression that they are innocent, and have been wronged in your pursuit to divorce them.
4. Being Unsympathetic
Another way a spouse with NPD might behave during divorce is to be very unsympathetic.
They will not show remorse or regret for the way they have made you feel throughout the breakdown of the marriage.
5. Insisting On A Fair Deal
Lastly, a spouse with NPD will insist on a ‘fair deal’ throughout divorce proceedings.
They will often be relentless in their pursuit of what they consider is a fair deal, as to them to quit or settle would be considered a ‘loss’.
Divorcing someone with NPD is undoubtedly a challenging journey and can often mean that the legal process is more expensive. Every divorce comes with its unique set of hurdles, however splitting from someone with NPD will present exceptional psychological and legal challenges, and it can be incredibly hard to progress matters as individuals will often want to litigate over every little matter.
It is important that throughout the process you create a barrier for yourself, as they will often seek to control you during the process. Once they can see that their behaviour is having a detrimental impact on you, they are likely to increase this behaviour.
Individuals with NPD can be particularly difficult when children are involved in divorce and will often use them to control or punish. It is vital that you do not get drawn into these arguments and explore all legal avenues available to ensure that this behaviour does not go unchecked.
How We Can Help
Divorcing a narcissist will be difficult and tiresome, but with the right legal support, you can help alleviate some of it. Prioritise your well-being, get professional guidance, and surround yourself with a strong support system.
Remember that you deserve a future free from manipulation and control, and taking the necessary steps to achieve that is a courageous and empowering move.
At Harding Evans, our divorce solicitors are here you support you at every stage. Contact us today.
