How To Tell Your Spouse You Want A Divorce

The reality is that not all relationships work. Nevertheless, the prospect of divorce is unsettling for any married couple.

Knowing how to tell your spouse you want a divorce can be a confusing and overwhelming time, especially as ‘one of the most common fears during divorce is the fear of starting over’.

As such, seeking legal advice and support regarding divorce is essential as soon as possible to learn all you should know and find out the next steps. 

To start the conversation of divorce with your spouse, you will need to:

1. Seek legal advice 
2. Prepare your spouse 
3. Remain calm
4. Prepare for your spouse to be emotional 
5. Prepare to be blamed
6. Consider your children and make separation preparations

1. Seek Legal Advice 

Before making the decision to tell your spouse you want a divorce, it’s important to seek legal advice.

You likely already know that you’re unhappy in your marriage, but a divorce solicitor will help you through one of the biggest decisions of your life.

Seeking advice and support from a divorce solicitor will help you to understand the next steps and what divorce proceedings will entail.

Ending a marriage is not an easy decision, and a solicitor will be able to inform you on what to expect as well as the ramifications associated with divorce.

2. Prepare Your Spouse 

The last thing you want is for your spouse to feel blindsided by the proposal of separation or divorce, as this will likely result in a bigger negative reaction.

As such, before you explicitly tell your spouse that you want a divorce, it’s best to lay the foundations by communicating you’re not happy and that divorce is a likely avenue. This is true whether you’re together or already separated. 

Failure to adequately prepare your spouse could lead to them feeling like you’ve not communicated clearly or worse, that you have been deceitful in coming to the conclusion of divorce alone. 

3. Remain Calm 

One of the most essential pieces of advice when telling your spouse you want a divorce is to remain calm. 

While this is easier said than done if the relationship has already turned sour, as you’ve already had time to process this decision and your spouse hasn’t, they will likely feel the brunt of the decision.

It’s best to put any personal feelings of anger you may have to the side before you have the conversation so you can better handle their reaction. 

Additionally, you should ensure you’re taking deep breaths during your conversation, and practice mindful listening to hear what your spouse has to say on the matter.

4. Prepare For Your Spouse To Be Emotional 

With the introduction of the ‘no fault divorce’ eliminating the need for blame, there’s significantly less chance for a single party to feel responsible for the breakdown of the marriage.

That said, divorce remains taboo for many people, and you have to prepare for your spouse to have an emotional reaction.

From upset to anger to frustration to stress, a range of emotions might present themselves during your conversation and it’s best to prepare for the worst.

If they’re very emotional or angry, it’s best to suggest you discuss the matter when the news has sunk in to have a more rational conversation. 

5. Prepare To Be Blamed 

The fact you’re proposing to get divorced can lead to you being blamed by your spouse for a range of reasons. 

Whether it’s for the breakdown of the relationship or for a lack of communication, you should prepare for your spouse to play the blame game, particularly if they’re not expecting the divorce.

To ensure you’re not at risk of escalating the situation, prepare what you are going to say so, should this be the case, you can respond calmly and rationally.

6. Consider Your Children & Make Separation Preparations

If you have children with your spouse, prioritising them is likely one of the biggest worries on your mind. 

You will need to make sure that you discuss how to tell your children together and iterate to your spouse that ‘keeping your children’s best interests at heart [during divorce]’ is your priority.  

Aside from this, you will need to organise alternative accommodation arrangements for you and any potential children as divorce conversations can often lead to immediate physical separation. 

Whether this is staying with family, or a friend, or organising temporary rental accommodation, you will want to make preparations for somewhere you and your children can stay ahead of time.

This will not only eliminate stress but will also help to keep things as normal as possible for your children.

How We Can Help

At Harding Evans, our specialist divorce solicitors in South Wales are expertly trained in all aspects of divorce. 

As we recognise that divorce is an upsetting and unsettling time, our solicitors always strive to deal with each case with the highest level of sensitivity.

Get in touch with a member of our team today to discuss the next steps.